Please excuse this detour from my regularly running/ yoga/ race related posts while I bring to you this important PSA!
I know I still owe you a recap of the Cape Cod Shark Paddle (*spoiler – we completed the 7 mile paddle!), but I wanted to address some of the reactions I got to paddling in a fundraiser for what many believe is the scariest thing you may encounter on Cape Cod.
There are many scary things on Cape Cod.
Humidity (or at least my hair on humidity).
The lack of central air in many homes (it’s not as scary as it sounds, most of Cape Cod has a nice breeze).
And of course, ending up next to novice beach-goers (in which case you should share “Danielle & Jason’s Guide to Beach Etiquette” with them).
But there is something scarier than any of these things.
Something any local or visitor, is at risk of encountering…
…something scarier than this:
Scarier than a Great White??!
I’m sure by now you’ve figured out I’m talking about…
THE WILD TURKEY!
…or as I like to call them – Turkadactyls!
Apparently turkadactyls are commons sightings across many parts of the country, but round my parts on Long Island we just have raccoons the size of small bears (who I’m pretty sure have developed opposable thumbs since they can jimmy open even the most secure of trash bins)!
Really, that furry little raccoon isn’t scary! He’s actually kidna cute!
Ok, back to turkadactyls.
I am TERRIFIED of crossing paths with these fearsome feathered beasts while out on a run!
Did you know wild turkeys can run 25 miles per hour??! (That means I have A LOT of speed work to do to be able to out run one!)
And as if ONE weren’t bad enough, they travel in packs/flocks/herds (I’m convinced they’re pissed off about the whole Thanksgiving thing)!
And recently my fear of the wild turkadactyl increased about a million times when I was driving home from the grocery store and I saw this:
That would be turkeys on a roof.
ON A ROOF!!!
Unlike your common dinner turkey, THESE DAMN THINGS CAN FLY!!!
And upon further research THEY CAN FLY 55 MILES PER HOUR!
So, while many fear the great white shark (and thank you all for your concern for my safety during the shark paddle, but we were in a nice shark-free cove!), I am here to tell you that the most fearsome beast you may encounter on Cape Cod is THE WILD TURKADACTYL! (You’re welcome for the warning.)
*NOTE #1: If this PSA has not convinced you to have a healthy fear of non-Thanksgiving Day turkeys, then go google “turkey attacks”. Guaranteed to scare the heck out of you!
**NOTE #2: I am considering proposing to Discovery that in the wake of the massive success of “Sharknado”, they consider “Turknado” and possibly a “Turkey Week”.
***NOTE #3: All research and turkey facts were taken from the National Wild Turkey Federation website. (Yes, that is a real thing.)
ahhh come-on they’re cute too!! lol. I think I would just laugh! lol Not sure how i would react if i encountered one on run!
You my friend have a weird definition of cute, those things are hideous! I’ve actually googled “what to do if attacked by a turkey” and there is surprisingly little information on the subject (but of course plenty of turkey attack videos!).
Oh my gosh! I just cracked up reading this! I’m fromVT we have these everywhere. Too funny!
I’ve always thought turkeys were freaky looking, but I never saw them in the wild where I was from! I was terrified the first time I saw them up on the Cape and now I see them everywhere!!! (And I think they can smell fear!)
Haha just keep in mind they aren’t the brightest of birds. They drown themselves in the rain by tipping their heads up! haha. They really don’t like people.
Carry a can of cranberry sauce. If they don’t run at the sight of it, at least you can throw it at them!
I’d like to nominate this for BEST COMMENT EVER! : )
(and a darn good idea!)
OMG Turknado! That would be hilarious!
I have to admit I haven’t even seen Sharknado (LOVE Shark Week though!), but “Turknado” just sounded too funny! (And scary…)
Haha, Turkey don’t scare me. A turknado would! Now geese are another thing. I’ll abandon ship if I cross paths with a goose. Those things are terrifying!
No way! Turkey’s are MUCH scarier than geese! Just look at them, they are SOOO UGLY! Either way, we both need an emergency turkey/goose attack plan!
So my only experience with turkeys (wild or otherwise) is at Thanksgiving. I’ll take your word that turkeys are scary. But geese, on the other hand? Scare the crap out of me! They hiss at you and won’t get out of the way when you try to quietly pass by them. Especially when they have goslings. I hate geese!!
Well if you hate geese trust me, you would REALLY hate the turkeys! They are just so scary and ugly and HUGE!
A friend of mine got kicked in the chest (!) by a wild turkey once and had the wind knocked out of him. I’ve been wary of them ever since!
Are you kidding me??! THEY KICK TOO?? What can these things NOT do?!
Yes, isn’t that terrifying?! I guess he got too close to the nest or something and the turkey flew up to chest height and rammed him with both feet. Yikes!!
We had a flock of turkeys in our old neighborhood, and one time my mom was chased back into the house and our cat sitter was chased down our street driving her car. They’re vicious, and my mom saw them nesting in trees while she was running. They didn’t chase her that time, but that confirmed to her they can fly.
Yeah, I saw them on that house and was so freaked out by it and then suddenly I turned to my husband and was like, “wait…how the heck did they get up there??! Does this mean they can FLY!!!?”
(I sort of feel like an idiot for being in my 30’s and not knowing turkeys can fly…)
OH. MY GOD. Hmmmmm – sharks vs. turkeys. I think that could go either way. Nicole, Kelie, what do you think? Excuse me while I go change my skivvies now from laughing so hard…..
The way I look at it is there is about a .0001% chance of you actually encountering a shark on your trip to Cape Cod (unless your that guy in the picture above…), but there is like a 97% chance of you encountering a wild turkadactyl.
This automatically makes turkeys scarier.
I’m sorry. I’m confused. THEY FLY?!?! WHAT?!?! That means they wouldn’t even need a “perfect storm” to make a Turknado, they could do it on their own! Oh great, now I’m going to have nightmares about this!