Ok, so a lot of you know by now that I am really struggling with the entire idea of the New York City Marathon.
Yes, it was my decision to do it. I actively seeked out and joined a charity team to fundraise for entry into this race.
So why, if I seemingly have no desire to run it, would I have done that??
Well, as a runner (which I still don’t really call myself, weird right??), I feel like the New York City Marathon is just something you HAVE to do at some point – I even put it on my race bucket list which I posted over 2 years ago!
Back in April I decided this would be the best year for me to do this race since 2 of my good running friends, Daniel & Pat (who you’ve seen around these parts before…) were doing it as well – I figured if I was going to do a race I wasn’t thrilled about, I may as well do it with friends! I registered and hoped that as training ramped up and race day got closer that I’d get more excited.
Unfortunately I feel like a little bit of the opposite happened.
Between the time I registered and now, Jason and I moved out of New York, a place that neither of us loved and where we just weren’t happy. I think I’m so anxious about even having to go to New York for this race, just because I’m so glad that I don’t live there any more and I don’t want to go back! (I don’t know what I think is going to happen…it’s not like once I cross the state line in to New York there’s not going to let me out again! Right??!)
Because I never got excited about this race, I wasn’t motivated to train and my running hasn’t felt great the past month or so.
Add to that my complete anxiety and intimidation of all things New York City, plus all of the race day logistics that I have to worry about and I have literally done nothing but stress about this race and how much I am dreading it.
I know. Not the way to go into doing the New York City Marathon.
A lot of people have reminded me of why I’m doing this – TO RAISE MONEY FOR PUPPIES! (And kitties of course!)
So this morning on my way to work, I decided that I’m going to really try to focus on that.
I’m running because I owe it to everyone who stepped up and supported me when I asked them to.
I’m running for puppies!
And I’m going to write that right on my hand on race day to remind me.
On my other hand I’m going to write “B+”.
For any of you who have been around here for awhile (THANK YOU!), you may know the story of why I started running. You can read the entire story HERE, but the shortened version is that I decided to run a half marathon in memory of my Kerry who lost her battle with Leukemia.
Her motto was B+. Not only her blood type, but her mantra through her fight.
I haven’t been very positive these last few weeks leading up to the marathon (pretty sure I’ve been downright cranky and bitter) and I need to try to change that otherwise all of these terrible, miserable, no good scenarios I’m imagining about race day (me sitting on a NYC curb alone crying…) are going to come true.
And then I got an e-mail today that couldn’t have been more perfectly timed.
A former co-worked from New York sent me a video he had shot of Kerry shortly before she passed away that I had been looking for. It reminded me not only of why I began running, but of some of the good times I actually had in New York.
The video is from probably my most memorable and special day working in New York. One that I’ll never forget, but definitely needed a reminder of.
For the next 5 days I am really going to try harder to “B+”
& remember that I’M RUNNING FOR PUPPIES!
*Please note I said “TRY”, I really will try, but I’m sure I’ll slip up, if you hear me being negative just remind me I’m running for puppies!*
**You are welcome to watch the video my friend Devin sent me, he put it on YouTube so that we don’t lose it again! The quick background is that Kerry spent almost 8 months in isolation in the hospital being treated for her cancer, she was released when they felt that there was nothing more they could do. It was the day before the last Rangers home game of the season and as a huge Rangers fan Kerry hoped she’d be able to see a game – I got her the tickets, but my co-workers all stepped in and helped make this day, her last Rangers game, completely magical for Kerry…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uz_YkrvOsdk&feature=youtu.be**